The Republican Women of Weld held a campaign forum for seven regressive U.S. Senate hopefuls in Colorado this week. In order to properly pander to the drilling industry in Weld County, all of the candidates took some shots at the Environmental Protection Agency. Rick Perry may not have been able to remember the EPA, but these aspiring Congressional speed-bumps do.
Peg Littleton and Tim Neville both want to cut funding to the agency. Defunding the EPA is popular with people who consider clean air and potable water an unnecessary concern. It’s expensive to siphon liquid dinosaurs from the ground, and energy barons need that money to stimulate the economy or something. Littleton also targeted critics of hydraulic fracturing, or fracking. Even though scientific evidence shows that fracking is likely causing earthquakes, she knows there is only one way to really make the earth move.
There have been earthquakes long before we ever did fracking. Let’s be honest. You know God is kind of in control of those. And not by us drilling down in the ground and doing the fracking.
People developed cancer long before we invented cigarettes, therefore cigarettes cannot possibly cause cancer. This kind of flawless logic will help Littleton fit right in, should she get to join Mitch McConnell’s gang of representative layabouts. But what if God wants us to concentrate on cleaner, renewable energy and he is causing seismic activity around fracking sites to send the message? Nope. Darryl Glenn, knows that omnipotent deities hate trees and the people who hug them.
We have to have the political will to stand up to the tree huggers.
In Regressive World, it’s considered a virtue to stand up to people who would rather not destroy the planet that gives us life. Doing the fracking doesn’t cause earthquakes, climate change is a myth, and all scientists have a liberal agenda. Yet another right-wing participant in this meeting of the minds, Jon Keyser, drove the point home that to drill is human, but to frack is divine.
As a U.S. senator, I will make sure I travel around the state and I will talk to people about the miracle that is a combination of horizontal drilling and hydraulic fracturing.
Miracles are supposed to be God’s gig. He must be too busy planning the movements of tectonic plates these days, though, so he’s farming out the magic to irresponsible resource extraction methods. Any day now fracking should start appearing on toast and healing lepers.
Featured image via Aaron Ontiveroz/Getty Images
Wayde lives in his Mom’s basement, eating welfare lobsters and cashing checks from George Soros almost daily. That’s how he finds time to write about stuff from the perspective of a middle-aged liberal guy that watches way too much TV. His Obamaphone has truly unlimited data.