If you’re Donald Trump you’ve learned by now that those little inconvenient things like truth, facts and science don’t matter to the idiots who come out in droves to beat people up at your rallies. You’ve spent a year now saying ridiculous things to test the waters of silliness and come to the conclusion that nothing that comes out of your mouth will be questioned by your followers. After stating that you could murder someone and still get their votes, you have such little respect for your own supporters that you don’t think they deserve to live in the real world with the rest of us.
Yes, with four simple words the crisis in California has come to an end. Even though water levels in reservoirs have dropped to historic lows and laws have had to be enacted to save water, Trump has declared the whole thing a giant hoax perpetrated to protect “a certain kind of three-inch fish”:
We’re going to solve your water problem. You have a water problem that is so insane. It is so ridiculous where they’re taking the water and shoving it out to sea.”
Trump is referring to requests from farmers to divert water from the Sacramento river to their crops, which water authorities say they can’t do because of the water rights of those upstream of the farmers — and because of the minimum water allowances needed by endangered species in the bay and by wildlife in general. The Delta Smelt — that three-inch fish Trump is speaking of — is on the brink of extinction and has become one of the figures in the longstanding California drought issue. As far as I can tell, the tiny fish has very little to do with how much it rains in California, but then again I’m no scientist.
Essentially what Trump has done is what Trump always does: he invents things. In this case, it’s a government conspiracy to destroy the livelihood of rich farmers who can afford to lobby and wealthy water districts who can’t seem to live without lush, green lawns. Rather than face the harsh reality that we’re going to need to better manage water resources if nature decides to fix the problem, Trump has promised that he will just…end the drought. How? He doesn’t have to say how. How isn’t in his vocabulary. All people need to know is that Donald Trump has declared the drought a farce and that he will fix it if elected.
In reality, the drought is as real as it gets. Low rain and snowfall for four straight years coupled with wasteful policies have caused California to dry up. It’s not a hoax perpetrated against the people to save a fish; it’s simply just not raining enough. Not to worry, though. Trump will fix that. We’re gonna have so much rain when he’s elected we won’t know what to do with all that water.
If Trump has the magical ability to end an environmental crisis simply by declaring it doesn’t exist, maybe he should tackle some of the country’s other issues the same way. How about “there is no hunger” or “there is no poverty.” The world would be much safer if he would also declare an end to nuclear weapons and terrorism, but those things are essential to continue selling fear to the ignorant.
If you’re headed to a Trump rally in California this weekend, remember to bring an umbrella. It’s raining stupid.
Featured image courtesy of Plastic Jesus
I am Busta Troll.