By now you’ve probably heard the big news. You may have even seen the horrifyingly incriminating video that will probably cost the Obama family their legacy. Even more so than the now-infamous twerking or beer pong incidents. Malia Obama was allegedly caught on film smoking a joint.
Radar Online, the site that brings such important news as what Patrick Swayze was thinking before he died or how many girlfriends Justin Bieber has had since splitting up with Selena Gomez, broke the story based on 11 seconds of video that show a girl who certainly does look like Malia Obama taking a puff of what certainly does look like a poorly rolled joint.
Damned kids. You have to spread it evenly and use a single motion from the inside out. Blunts have destroyed the art of rolling. But I digress.
So before we get into the meat and potatoes of the article, which is a bunch of knuckle-dragging mouthbreathers forgetting that this is a teenage girl at a concert, let’s focus for a moment of the finer points of the facts at hand:
It’s really not that difficult to see a story like this, laugh it off and move on with your day, unless you’re a conservative. If you’re a conservative. you have to be outraged that a teenage girl at a concert puffed on…something…and passed it along, because her name is Obama and she’s black. There’s no laughing it off or talk of “kids will be kids.” That kind of thing is only true if they’re white with a Republican president for a dad. No need to mention names, but their initials are Jenna and Barbara Bush.
What’s funny is, if you remember when the Bush girls were outed as partiers it was fun to watch, knowing that even the President of the United States has issues with teenage daughters. Now, he’s required to have raised a perfect specimen to conservative standards or she’s just “ghetto trash”…even though she got into Harvard.
So here we go. One set of comments out of thousands just like it from one boneheaded conservative site we love to point at and laugh:
Of course he does. He’s black. All black people, and only black people, smoke crack.
No idea whose daughter this idiot thinks she is, but the “Choom Gang” thing was a little played out…by 2009.
You can take the jackass out o9f the barn, but it’s always going to be…a jackass. And a racist. And a misogynist douche.
It’s a well-known fact that the Obamas openly burn doobies in the White House residence. Come on, you hadn’t heard?
Poor guy. So deprived. So burdened. It has to be tough being a racist white asshat in America.
Right? I mean, look at them! Like mother like daughter. One graduated from Harvard and the other is on her way. Disgraceful.
Well, her mother is black. By conservative standards, she has no idea who the father of her….Ohhhhhh….Now I get what that guy was saying before…Hilarious! And not at all racist!
For the decriminalized “crime” of maybe taking a hit off a joint at a concert! Lock her up forever! With Barry! He broke the country, that traitor!
Tell us where you live, deary — we’ll come by and roll you to the curb.
See, there aren’t nearly enough kids, the dog should be a pack of rabid pitbulls and the father should be represented by multiple men, some in jail, some on the corner selling drugs. If you’re gonna stereotype, don’t be a slacker. How does this pertain to a family of four with devoted parents? No idea, but gee wilikers is it clever.
Here’s a double whammy for you. Racism and discrimination against pork products. Speaking of, the number of “dirty Muslim” comments is strangely low. Hmmm…That may warrant some looking into. Hopefully there isn’t some sanity virus spreading through the world of stupid.
Well..He sure did nail that. My 15-year-old hasn’t done any of those things, but I’m hoping she starts soon. We would be bad liberal parents otherwise.
Yeah, this one already happened, but it’s always fun to revisit the stereotypes. Hahaha. Those silly Obamas. They’re so black.
Two Dads! Bwahahahahahaha!!! Because…Michelle is a man and Barack is gay. How a family like this made it nearly eight years without anyone getting a picture of any of the trans-gay crack smoking ghetto behavior is just amazing.
Because she’s black or because she’s thin? Do I get a third guess? I’m gonna go with…because she’s black.
Pork and ghettos again. These people don’t seem to like ghettos and pigs very much. They’re nowhere near as enticing as trailer parks and jelly donuts.
And the coup de grace, the piece de resistance, the pinnacle of pure putrescence: the monkey post.
Whenever I write a piece like this I get a lot of comments asking why I bother. How does it help to point out the racism and hate of nearly half the country? My answer is always the same: If we don’t expose these people for who they are and how openly racist they’re comfortable being, it will only get worse. These people deserve the ridicule many of them get when people who read these articles visit the original post to join in the fun of pointing and laughing. Many of them are too stupid to hide their employers, paying a hefty price when it’s pointed out to their boss and they lose their jobs. If we don’t learn from our mistakes we’re bound to repeat them, and allowing these people to blather on unimpeded is a BIG mistake.
Watch the video below, and be sure to note how proud the snitch who shot it is:
Featured image by Getty Images/Screenshot