While some people may think that Hurricane Matthew is the result of global warming combined with hurricane season, a super nice, right-wing Christian has a different theory: Matthew is ravaging Florida because of all the gays!
According to nutjob Andrew Bieszad, in an article published on Shoebat.com, God is punishing the Southeast because of all of the sodomizing going on thanks to The Gays. The totally sane man then goes on to “prove” this is true because of “science”:
While all hurricanes are dangerous, something about this storm is particularly unique. As scientists have pointed out, it seems to be gathering strength where it should not, as though the storm was increasing in power from an outside force and in a way not seen before.
Translation: this mysterious “blob” is God increasing the storm’s power in order to kill The Gay™. And Bieszad knows this is true because Florida has A LOT of gay people!
Florida is a nice place, but it unfortunately has become a lot like California, representing both the best and the worst that America has to offer. This is especially true in the area of homosexuality. While there are many conservative and religious Floridians, there are a tremendous amount of sodomites and immoral activity that takes place there.
He goes on to explain that the storm is named after a Biblical figure, Saint Matthew, who punishes people for disobeying God. Well, now I just totally believe his theory! Not only is Florida overrun (and Georgia), just soooo overrun, with The Gay™ but all of these sodomites planned two YUGE festivals filled with rainbows and dirty butt sex. When God heard about these love fests he decided he had to destroy the region and stop the spread of homosexuality:
Now we know that Florida is an area that is infected with sin, especially cities such as Miami and Orlando, which are veritable dens of sodomy. But instead of looking at mere particularities, I thought I would ask a broader question- Is there any “homosexual” activities going on this month in either the Orlando or Savannah areas? Sure enough, I found that both Orlando and Savannah are having massive sodomite pride parades this month, especially in Orlando, which is sponsoring this very weekend as the hurricane is about to hit a massive “coming out” parade sponsored no less than with the major support of the city itself and major corporate backers.
He is right, our gay pride festival was slated to take place in Orlando this weekend (the first pride fest in the city since the horrific Pulse massacre), but it was rescheduled for November when news of the storm broke. Uh oh! God was thwarted! The super nice Christian man fails to mention that in his article though (SHOCKING).
Bieszad finishes his crazy rant by asking you to be the judge. Well, we have thought long and hard about all of this very enlightening information and have decided: Bieszad is a batshit crazy bigot who has no grasp on reality and should probably be committed.
What do you think? Let us know in the comment section.
Featured image via David McNew/Getty Images